*JUST* because you're stupid- does *NOT* mean i am too.

for any idiots out there that THINK i'm actually stupid enough to think that courage kenny is the only place that can give me my driver's license (courage kenny obviously does because EVERY time they failed me during my driving test, they ALWAYS commented "needs more therapy"). I WASTED AT LEAST 10 FUCKING YEARS AT THERAPY THERE WITH HOPES THEY'D ACTUALLY HELP ME GET MY DRIVER'S LICENSE BACK. I'VE SEEN A GUY WITH ONE LEG WHO HAD HIS DAMN DRIVER'S LICENSE- HE DIDN'T GET IT FROM COURAGE KENNY. i have the videos on facebook to prove i attended that useless excuse of a "rehabilitation facility". i'm NOT stupid like you and i have a LIFE to LIVE. which doesn't consist of looking like a handicap rehabilitation tool JUST to give people the idea that my family is caring and supportive because THEY'RE NOT (except joe). EVERYTHING I DO IS INCONVENIENT FOR THEM. it's really fuckin sad if you need to have a family member WHO IS DISABLED to make you look "caring" because you're not caring naturally. i'm not here to make anyone look good that ISN'T MYSELF. i've been disabled since 2002- i KNOW there are other people who are disabled who got their driver's license and IT WASN'T FROM COURAGE KENNY. just because YOU are naive and have the idea that the only place that gives people who are disabled their driver's license is courage kenny.. does NOT mean I have the same ignorance. my grandma was so wrong about you. she stupidly had the idea that you'd help me in different ways than she thought (which would be attending courage kenny mindlessly). she told me nearly EVERY night i would cry to her about how i was wasting my life doing shit that wasn't helping me at courage kenny, "WHEN I'M GONE- AMANDA WILL HAVE YOU IN NEW YORK! NO MORE COURAGE CENTER!" she had the idea you'd ACTUALLY help me with MY goals since she was aware that she didn't have a clue on how to help me get to new york and she wanted to make sure it was SAFELY this time. you don't have enough sense to realize that though. it's not convenient for you. PLUS- I'M MENTALLY HANDICAPPED LIKE MY MOM- SO I'LL BE GLAD THAT MY KEWLIEZ COUSIN IS JUST TALKING TO ME! (although you never make the time to do that either..) so i'm putting this SHIT you put me through behind me and trying to pick myself up by my bootstraps BECAUSE NO ONE (except joe- who i really didn't expect to help me but it's awesome that he at least cares enough about me to make sure i'm SUCCESSFUL and truly HAPPY being constructive and useful with my life) ELSE will ACTUALLY take the time and effort to actually care and assist me any way they can. THANKS FOR NOTHING, AMANDA. YOU GOT THIS! you know.. this is really bad for my mental health. having people assume i'm acceptive of LESS than what i ACTUALLY want. especially after EVERYTHING i've been through- find me another person who managed to live through SEVEN MONTHS in a coma, AT LEAST 15 YEARS IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR FOR HER SELFISH FAMILY'S EGOS, and over 10 years of physical therapy (that pathetic excuse of a "rehab facility" courage kenny will just deny it because THEY GET THEIR MONEY FROM GASLIGHTING CLIENTS AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF CLIENTS WHO LACK KNOWLEDGABLE, CARING ADVOCACY). i'll just continue to build my resume and get to a place which ACTUALLY is able to help me get out of the house and work like an actual, responsible citizen of this country with their accessible and more available transportation. CAN'T EXPECT AMANDA AND/OR ANY OF MY OTHER FAMILY (EXCEPT JOE) TO ASSIST ME AND SUPPORT ME TO BE TRULY HAPPY AND CONSTRUCTIVE. JUST because i used to be in a damn wheelchair does NOT mean that i should stay disabled and handicap just so everyone assumes my family is actually caring and supportive people because THEY'RE THE OPPOSITE. how many other people have moms who have held them in front of their dad while he was kicking them and used them nanchalantly as a shield while attempting to show him why he should calm down? any other CARING parent would do EVERYTHING they could to remove their daughter from that situation SAFELY.. my mom? PFFT. I SAID "CARING".. WHICH SHE IS NOT. I'LL USE MY DAUGHTER'S BODY AS A SHIELD AND PLAY DUMB (ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T REALLY NEED TO "PLAY")! proof that this happened and i'm not making this up, you ask? the TWO bowel surgeries i've had to have in my life. i distinctly remember my grandma saying under her breath after i had my first perforrated bowel surgery, "well she did get in the middle of a fight between her parents and she accidentally got kicked while her mom had her in her arms and was turning away." so my grandma KNEW what went on and she purposely condoned it, so people wouldn't assume my mom was a bad mom. after i got a blocked bowel, i looked up on google how people get blocked bowels and it said people get blocked bowels when there's trauma inflicted on the abdomen region.. LIKE A FOOT KICKING A MOM WHILE THE MOM IS SELFISHLY USING THEIR BODY AS A SHIELD SO HER STUPID ASS DOESN'T GET KICKED?! "Yes, a person can get a blocked bowel from trauma to the abdomen, though it is less common than other causes like prior surgery. Blunt or penetrating force to the stomach area can harm the intestines and lead to a mechanical blockage or functional slowdown." i was sitting at my computer the first time i felt the pain before i got taken to gilette when they determined i had a blocked bowel. the fact that i'm sure i've told this story many times before on my blog and my "friends" still seem to think i'm the crazy one for wanting to get as far away from the mother from hell justifies the reason why i'm leaving and have absolutely NO desire to appease amanda's careless, selfish ass by wasting MORE of my fucking life at courage kenny. i've had recurring dreams about being held in front of my dad while he was kicking my mom- which is a symptom of PTSD. so LOOK! my mom DID give me something! PTSD! the SAME PSYCHOLOGICAL MENTAL CONDITION THAT PEOPLE WHO HAVE FOUGHT IN WARS EXPERIENCE! and just ANOTHER reason why i'm getting as far away from the mother from hell AS POSSIBLE. the doctors tested me MANY times after my car accident to see if i had PTSD because of all the shit i've been through in life- i wasn't diagnosed with it until after i had this last surgery on my blocked bowel, when i had recurring dreams about being kicked by my dad because the mother from hell held me in front of her to block him from kicking her. "what about how she took care of you after your car accident?" GRANDMA MADE HER, flying monkey- MIND YOUR BUSINESS. i remember hearing SEVERAL calls of her whining to grandma about having to take care of me. she even left me at her apartment several times alone while she went to the bar and played pool with her little boyfriend carlos while i was in a wheelchair at the beginning of my traumatic brain injury- before i told my grandma about it and she bitched her out and eventually came into town to sit with me while the mother from hell went out to the bar. I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR THIS SHITTY EXCUSE OF "PARENTING"! *rolls eyes* stfu. just because YOU have "caring" parents- does NOT mean that everyone else has parents who actually care for their kids and have their well-being in mind. i'm convinced that my mom was NOT (and probably still isn't) mature enough to have children. what a coincidence! my dad wasn't either!.. i didn't know him personally because my grandpa chased him to mexico after he accidentally kicked me.. i have a feeling he drank a lot. i think i remember my grandma telling me that. don't you EVER get the stupid idea that i'll THANK you for NOT helping me either. for some reason i'm getting that's the stupid shit you'll try to pull outta your ass to hide your ignorance and lack of knowledge of the things that my grandma was expecting you to have. AFTER 11 YEARS ON THE 22ND I'M STILL IN THE SAME STATE. you didn't help me get outta that shithole in burnsville- i was the one who had to act rambunctious to get told i needed to leave that smokey ass apartment. my grandma used to lie to me every night on the phone during the last few months of her life, saying, "AMANDA WILL GET YOU TO NEW YORK WHEN I'M DEAD! NO MORE COURAGE CENTER!" she forgot the most important detail- you could care less about me, her, or WHERE I WANT TO LIVE!.. silly her.